A Letter to Myself One Year Ago

vintage_pens_writing_paper_74945_1280x1024-01Dear Caitlyn,


Don’t freak out. I promise I didn’t rip a hole in the space-time continuum to send this to you. Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, okay?

So, it’s December 2014 for you. Your heart is still sore, but you’ve survived thus far. You’ve still only let go about 86%, but you’ve embraced joy and trust and are moving forward. There will be moments when it still hurts, but the worst is behind you, I promise– and there WILL come a time when you’re actually grateful for everything that happened and glad it worked out this way. Sounds impossible, but trust me on this. Jesus knows what He’s doing, and rocky roads can lead to happy endings.

In the meantime, cling to the things God has given you. Worship. Song of Solomon. Friendships. The Prayer Room DFW. Small group. Mary of Bethany.

Start dancing again.

You have so many good things ahead of you. You’re going to teach and chorus lead and worship lead. You’re going to develop partnerships and dream post-grad dreams. You’re going to touch your home state with what He’s placed in you. You’re going to fall in love with a little house of prayer in Texas and gain a precious family.

You’re going to have crushes and go on dates (kinda), but keep guarding your heart. Sorry, 2015 Caitlyn is still single. It’s okay, though. You’re going to learn a lot and have no regrets. It’s going to be a battle, because you’re going to want to take control and make that happen ASAP. DON’T. It’s okay to go out of your way to be friends, but you still have to keep your heart free from that control spirit. You want to be pursued. You really do. Hang in there.

This is your year to blossom in ministry. You’ll learn how to worship lead and pour out hours upon hours in an empty room. You’ll help (a little bit) lead a ministry trip. You’ll teach and serve and fall in love all over again with the house of prayer.

Learn to put boundaries around your schedule. The summer at home is going to be hard. Don’t get lazy. Make goals and follow through. Find a church. Find a prayer room and go regularly. Go on lots of coffee dates. Relationships matter.

Please try to keep the Netflix binging to a minimum. Spend time writing and playing piano– AND GOING TO BED ON TIME. I know this is mostly wishful thinking, but give it a try, for me, okay?

You’re going to be moving a lot this year. Learn to pack light. You don’t actually need as much stuff as you think you do. Take care of Idris. She’s going to have a lot of miles on her this year. (Check the oil regularly– don’t let the Thanksgiving scare happen again.)

2015 will have its ups and downs, but it will mostly be just so rich. Treasure every moment. You only get this season once, and how you respond to it will not only affect the next season, but it will either grow or dull your heart and it has the potential to bring you massive rewards in the next age.

So respond well. Be fully present and alive in the moment. Give yourself to your calling. Love Jesus well. You’ve got a good, good ride ahead of you.


Love, Caitlyn


Arlington, TX
December 2015


P.S. — I know you kind of hate him right now, but the 12th Doctor will grow on you. Give this new season a chance; it’s going to be great!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rachel FS
    Dec 02, 2015 @ 13:08:57

    I love this. I can’t wait for debrief in Jan, but I can already tell we’re both on the same page with how our externships have gone. Thanks for sharing this part of your heart with your readers!!


  2. Trackback: IHOPU Graduation: Looking Back on Four Years | Fragrance Arise

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